Player Girl

So there's this girl

Who has had about 3 relationships before in 23 years of her life.

The first was just a bummer.

The second was someone really, really nice, but she didn't see a future, and she broke it off

The third was a narcissistic idiot

And so now, this girl is just a jaded little someone in the sea of people, who are similarly jaded

So this girl, who isn't ugly, who actually is quite pretty, has the attention of a million people

Everyday, she would get hit upon by strangers

Guys who got to know her went gaga over her, for some reason or other.

Some waited under her block for her to get home

Some called her day and night

Some kept asking her out

Some drove her everywhere

To any ordinary person, she would seem to be like some royalty

Some princess who shouldn't really be one

Now, this girl is really jaded

Not stupid, not dull neither dim

Just jaded, and perhaps very scared.

She could ask questions like "does that guy like me?" when the poor guy is almost on the verge of proving his "love" by death

She was enjoying all the attention though

But when it came to one step further with regards to any mention of a possible relationship

she freaked out

To her, it meant that all the attention the world gave her would stop

To her, it was a risk because this guy could just stop giving her all the attention eventually and she would end up with nought

However

She also realizes that, eventually, if there was no resolution, all this attention would stop when people get tired

She was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea

Eventually the attention would end

Of course, she could keep getting new attention while the old ones gave up

Or she could commit to one and take the plunge

But being jaded, really jaded, she didn't want to ever take the plunge

And so, one fine day, a new attention giver came along.

Now this guy is really unique

Somehow, everything seem to fall in place

She began to falter and there was a huge conflict going on in her head

A fight between a jaded self and the emotional self

But the guy kept his efforts up

The girl found herself bending to his will

Even when the guy hinted some signs of jealousy of all the attention she got from other guys, she got worried

Soon, after 2 weeks

The question was popped

And she had so wanted him by then

She said yes

However, the turmoil wasn't gone

She didn't take the plunge

Instead, it was like a bungee rope

She’s still giving hope to all the other attention givers.

She’s in total confusion now

*tsk tsk*

Maybe she might cut the bungee rope

Maybe she might just bounce back out

And I'm convincing her to cut the rope and enjoy the free fall

Unfortunately, I know some things about the guy, and I never gave her my judgment of the guy

So now the girl has given that particular guy a hint of a possible future relationship

Yet, she's not giving a hint of NO possible future relationship with the rest of the attention she's getting

And possible future relationship is as good as now because she's fucking up and caving in already.

She can't stop thinking of that guy, and as each minute that passes when her phone doesn't ring with a sms, her mind goes into the wildest negative thoughts

Thoughts like

He’s already beginning to neglect me

He’s already won the game and now he's quitting

And so forth

And she can't concentrate on work

As for the guy, who knows what's on his mind?

Was it games he was playing or was he serious in this girl?

Was it well though and reflected upon, his motives for going all out for her?

Or was it a moment of folly, succumbing to lust, emotional emptiness or the fear of loneliness?

Or was he feeding his own ego, playing a game of being wanted and adding another trophy to his wall?

The sweetness that had gushed from him throughout these few weeks had moved the jaded girl so much that everything in her, the concrete resolve of jaded relationships, had turned jelly

Now she's hurt and disturbed by the thoughts of the guy's motive

She’s in denial.

She openly and proudly claims that she won't like anyone so easily

But deep inside, she's really gone.

And as now as she struggles through her day, trying her best to shut the image of him out of her head with open denials

She can't help being distracted ever so frequently, checking her mails, checking her phone.

She curses and swears at herself

She thought she was in the game herself.

She thought she had all the attention under control

But now, a real player comes along.

Yet, through all this cursing, she's still falling; plunging fast into this deep abyss called "love"

The irony of something so blissful, yet she's berating endlessly at, was wrecking her sanity into pieces

"It's my game, how dare he come ruin it for me....."

"He’s not messaging me..... Where is he now? What’s he doing?"

"Wake up! Stupid bitch! Don't be a loser!"

And she reads, re-reads each and every email from him. Each and every sms

And...

Sanity slowly slips...

Slowly....

As delirium takes over her fragile mind.......

THE END