A dream that never ends...

I dreamt of this dream. It was the craziest dream I have ever had. I was quite myself in that dream, except, I had tears hanging off the corner of my eye. Yet no matter how hard I blinked or rubbed my eyes they stuck there like two drops of glue, always on the verge of falling. The tears made my sight constantly blurred and everything I saw in my dream was like a dream in itself. My hair was long, longer than it should have been as I would have had it cut before it ever got that long. And it was white with wisps of gray woven into it like an intricately designed piece of silk; my hair, in my dream, felt like silk. My hair reminded me of the soft dusty color and texture of ashes from a cigarette; all burned out and gone with the wind.

I wasn't old and full of sorrow though. In that dream, I was actually young and energetic despite my looks, always feeling on the edge for some new adventure. It felt like I was pumped full of adrenaline and caffeine; a bull waiting on the gates just to charge at the matador. My hair despite the length and color was tied up into a ponytail with everything combed back tight. In my dream, I felt just like how I would feel in reality physically. Right now.

I wasn't sad either; In that dream, I wasn't filled with despair and dejection. As a matter of fact, in that dream, there seemed to be no negative emotions. You could read a dictionary front to back and never find a word to define anything distressing. In that dream, I was experiencing a happiness that is beyond my understanding. I had tears that would not shed and a sense of joy I could not comprehend, a combination which only served no other purpose than to toy with my emotions and confuse it. Yet there wasn't anything negative available for me to justify the emotion, so it would only rationally mean that it was happy. But the emotional confusion would not consent that, and slowly I was tearing up, my contorted face a smile that reflected agony rather than joy. Yet there was nothing sad in my dream.

But a dream was a dream, and that tearing literally tore me awake. It had felt so real: I felt just like that physically, I felt happy and I felt that there was nothing distressing around me. It felt like I had never slept but instead, was living an alternate life as myself a night. So real the dream was that I begin to suspect whether it was a dream at all, and the only reason for it to be a dream, was the agony which tore me awake. I think I was awake as I actually contemplated whether I was asleep and the pain was only a dream, or I was awake and I searched my soul and dug up some hidden cache of hurt.

In fact, that "dream" began to freak me out as when I opened my eyes, I noticed that everything was blury, and I felt tears stuck at the corner of my eye. I shut my eyes and didn't dare to open them again as I recalled that in the "dream", I couldn't remove those tears. And in fear, I kept them closed till suddenly, I think I am dreaming again. My eyes are wide open and there was no tears in them. They sky outside my window was dull grey with rain. My hair was jet black and I felt physically myself. I felt happy amidst the darkening clouds and amplifying thunder. I thought I was dreaming again. Then again I thought: Or was I awake? I began to tremble in fear and cold, and got out of bed (Awake? or in my dream?) to write this down. I began like this,

I dreamt of this dream. It was the craziest dream I have ever had...