Nonsensical conversations between hurting body parts.

The shoulder blade wasn't feeling too good. It felt a little sick, yet it wasn't really sick enough to warrant a MC from a doctor. It just had to grit it's teeth and bear with the nauseous feeling. But it just had to bitch to something else about it intense discomfort.

"Hey tailbone"

"Uhhhhh.....damn....yeah, what's up?" groaned the tailbone.

"You sick too?"

"Kinda. Took a really shitty fall the other day. Now I don't feel like I'm alive," replied the tailbone while it flexed itself around to ensure that it's existence in this mortal plane was still justified.

"Crap. I'm feeling like shit too. But it's been like that for nearly 4 months odd," complained the shoulder blade. It just had to entrench itself in a worse position than the tailbone. It's only natural for them to fight for sympathy.

"Right, enjoy your recovery then. I think I'm going to be pretty much alive in another few days. Let me know how long more you are going to feel like that shoulder blade."

Crap. So much for sympathy.

Floods and Fires

He stepped into the burning bright sun.
And it really burns. So hot the sun had seared into his skin that he bagan to feel each and every cell in his body writhing in agony of the blazing fire.

Yet yesterday, it was raining cats and dogs.

Already half his life had drowned then.

Happiness is

I am slowly becoming sick;
it's not a disease that any doctor can treat.
Yet I want to embrace this condition
and integrate it as part of me, my body, my life.
It wouldn't be a disease anymore.
And when I have fully assimilated it, then
whatever suffering that comes,
will be my joy.
Whatever hurt it deals,
will be my wine.
Whatever pain it inflicts,
will be my fun.
Whatever agony it brings,
will be my delicacies.
Soon, as the disease takes over my mind,
I wouldn't know what is
suffering,
agony,
pain or
hurt anymore.
And then I will be truly
Happy.

Blood

As the blood erupted from the punctures, the vampire let it flow down the sensuous curves of her neck.
He wasn't hungry for blood at the moment. Instead, he relished the sight of this beautiful body in the throes of ecstacy.
And as the thick warm blood streamed down around her breasts, she let out a moan of pleasure and excitement, serving only to titillate the vampire further...

A dream that never ends...

I dreamt of this dream. It was the craziest dream I have ever had. I was quite myself in that dream, except, I had tears hanging off the corner of my eye. Yet no matter how hard I blinked or rubbed my eyes they stuck there like two drops of glue, always on the verge of falling. The tears made my sight constantly blurred and everything I saw in my dream was like a dream in itself. My hair was long, longer than it should have been as I would have had it cut before it ever got that long. And it was white with wisps of gray woven into it like an intricately designed piece of silk; my hair, in my dream, felt like silk. My hair reminded me of the soft dusty color and texture of ashes from a cigarette; all burned out and gone with the wind.

I wasn't old and full of sorrow though. In that dream, I was actually young and energetic despite my looks, always feeling on the edge for some new adventure. It felt like I was pumped full of adrenaline and caffeine; a bull waiting on the gates just to charge at the matador. My hair despite the length and color was tied up into a ponytail with everything combed back tight. In my dream, I felt just like how I would feel in reality physically. Right now.

I wasn't sad either; In that dream, I wasn't filled with despair and dejection. As a matter of fact, in that dream, there seemed to be no negative emotions. You could read a dictionary front to back and never find a word to define anything distressing. In that dream, I was experiencing a happiness that is beyond my understanding. I had tears that would not shed and a sense of joy I could not comprehend, a combination which only served no other purpose than to toy with my emotions and confuse it. Yet there wasn't anything negative available for me to justify the emotion, so it would only rationally mean that it was happy. But the emotional confusion would not consent that, and slowly I was tearing up, my contorted face a smile that reflected agony rather than joy. Yet there was nothing sad in my dream.

But a dream was a dream, and that tearing literally tore me awake. It had felt so real: I felt just like that physically, I felt happy and I felt that there was nothing distressing around me. It felt like I had never slept but instead, was living an alternate life as myself a night. So real the dream was that I begin to suspect whether it was a dream at all, and the only reason for it to be a dream, was the agony which tore me awake. I think I was awake as I actually contemplated whether I was asleep and the pain was only a dream, or I was awake and I searched my soul and dug up some hidden cache of hurt.

In fact, that "dream" began to freak me out as when I opened my eyes, I noticed that everything was blury, and I felt tears stuck at the corner of my eye. I shut my eyes and didn't dare to open them again as I recalled that in the "dream", I couldn't remove those tears. And in fear, I kept them closed till suddenly, I think I am dreaming again. My eyes are wide open and there was no tears in them. They sky outside my window was dull grey with rain. My hair was jet black and I felt physically myself. I felt happy amidst the darkening clouds and amplifying thunder. I thought I was dreaming again. Then again I thought: Or was I awake? I began to tremble in fear and cold, and got out of bed (Awake? or in my dream?) to write this down. I began like this,

I dreamt of this dream. It was the craziest dream I have ever had...

Fools Rush In

Wise men say that only fools rush in;
and only fools could become such wise men
to dispense such ingenious advice.

Home

It had been standing over the edge of the cliff for quite some time now.

It had decided that it's been enough fun where it was earlier. It had a ball of a time, a whole load of laughter and euphoria. But it decided, that it had been enough. It had this deepset feeling that it needed a well-earned rest. It needed to go home.

Unfortunately, it never knew what home was. Where it was, which way to go or how it would feel like to have found it. Till it sensed something calling out to it, coming from the edge of the cliff.

The beckoning drew it over and so now there it was, teetering over the edge. It knew it was already at the edge, yet the whispering voice in its mind seemed to come just slightly beyond that final step.

It never knew how home would feel like, but the sensation of the whispering voice gave him one feeling which he could not find a word to describe. And the only word left was this: home.

And it stepped off.

Poor Little Butterfly

A butterfly fluttered around.
Fluttering from flower to flower.
Till the wind blew strong,
it held on to a single petal,
keeping it's wings tight and around
that pretty little flower.

Soon the wind will blow over
and the clouds will clear.
The sun will shine
once more
and the butterfly can flutter on
again.

You know you are in love

You know you are in love,
when the mornings are dull gray,
the days are bland as water
and the night's darkness eats you.

You know you are in love
when you see some other person
frolicking with her, you feel a
sensation of an upcoming cardiac arrest

You know you are in love
when you deny the irrational sensation
that sears deep in your heart,
while you only trust your mind.

You know you are in love
when you really want to focus,
but all that is in focus
in your mind, is just her.

You know you are in love
when you know that you don't
want to, yet, it torutues you
each minute you reject the notion.

You know you are in love
when every single word and breath
becomes so filled with meanings that
lead you to somewhere or nowhere.

You know you are in love simply because love is as it
is and love was never meant for anyone to ever known when.

Instructions

...
know that diamonds and roses
are as uncomfortable when they tumble from one's lips as toads and frogs:
colder, too, and sharper, and they cut.
Remember your name.
Do not lose hope - what you seek will be found.
Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have helped to help you in their turn.
Trust dreams.
Trust your heart, and trust your story.
...

Neil Gaiman Fragile Things:Instructions

When it rains, it pours

A million of us fall everyday. I'm but only one of them. But we all fall together.

We would chat a little, though conversations don't last very long. Some of them would fall alongside with me but they pick up speed and fall faster, away from me, further and further.

Sometimes a few would crash into me as they fall, knocking me silly a little. Sometimes breaking me up. And then I would turn and curse and swear, yet sometimes, they looked pretty, and I would say "you're forgiven".

As I continue falling to the ground, I look back up and the skies are still grey, still full of my brethrens waiting to fall as well.

And when we all fall, we leave behind a trace of beauty, a rainbow which people often sigh upon, but never remembering the fall we take for them to enjoy the moment.

Death

Where are you taking me?
I would like to know please.
Hey you, in fact, all of you, why do you have masks over your mouth?
Can you speak to me? I'm talking to you.
Don't ignore me and speak among yourselves!
Why can't I move? Why can't I hear what I'm saying?
My lips are dry, why can't I lick them?
Where are you taking me again?
Someone say something about that please!
Why is it so cold? Why is this blanket over me so thin?
Could you all stop bringing me to wherever you are bringing me and at least warm me up?
Give me a thicker blanket at least!
Hey, you, can you see me?
Yes you, you are looking right at me. You can hear me too?
Thank GOD! You can see and hear me!
Pray tell me, where am I going? What's going on? Where are they taking me to?

The morgue my child, the morgue.

Walking On

As the gauge runs low,
My car slowly grinds
to a halt. Fueless,
the engine sputters
and dies with a sigh.

In the middle of
nowhere. Yet it's not
somewhere I don't know.
Fortunately as well,
anywhere is fine.

I step out of the
empty shell of a car,
and breathed in the cool
night air. It feels quite
refreshing. I hope.

Now as I take my
first step to someplace,
I wonder where it
will lead me to. Per-
haps I can find home.

But an eventual
outcome I'll ne'er
know; All I dare say
now is, it's time to
just keep walking on.

You are like a cigarette

Like a cigarette,
You make me happy, yet you are slowly killing me inside.
Soon, I'll be happily dead.

Toying with an idea

I toyed with it.
It had been wanting to get away from me. It had been, for the longest time now, wanting to escape from my clutches.
But I toyed with it, giving it a push and shove, yet holding on to the leash which held it fast.
It was hot, angry and fire raged all around it.
I could feel it scorching me; I could breathe the sulphuric fumes.
But I held on to it without fear.

Today, I toyed with it.
I opened a window and let loose the chains a little longer.
I pretended not to hold the chains and hid in one corner, a dark foreboding corner, where the sunlight could never set foot; where eyes could only dream of penetrating; where night always fell and stay fallen.
It crept towards the window, always peering back, yet it crept towards it.
And from the corner of my eye, I observed it, chuckling to myself.
It heard the taunting snicker reverberate through the echoing room.
It flared with anger and hate, so fiery that I could feel it burning my hairs in my little dark corner. The heat tore at my skin, cooking my flesh and I could smell the charred stench fried human suffuse my olfactory senses.
And with the ferocity of a thousand raging bulls, it took a mighty leap at the window...
and I whipped back at the chains.
It landed on the ledge, teetering, struggling to fall out, yet, I was tugging it back in.
The chains were red with heat, searing into my hands, blistering, and sticking fast to it. It filled me with such immense pain, yet it felt so pleasurable, joyful in fact, just clenching it tight in my fist. Pain didn't exist as I was tugging at it, cackling with so much laughter at toying with it, balancing precariously on the window ledge.
The enraged thing burst into flames of a magnitude that the brightest Sun would shy back into night. Fortunately I was in my dark corner, the corner of nothingness. Despite suffering from the burns, I would never die from it.
I laughed even louder, jeering at it, sneering and with a mighty tug at the chains ... ...

I blinked and dabbed my eyes with a tissue.

Player Girl

So there's this girl

Who has had about 3 relationships before in 23 years of her life.

The first was just a bummer.

The second was someone really, really nice, but she didn't see a future, and she broke it off

The third was a narcissistic idiot

And so now, this girl is just a jaded little someone in the sea of people, who are similarly jaded

So this girl, who isn't ugly, who actually is quite pretty, has the attention of a million people

Everyday, she would get hit upon by strangers

Guys who got to know her went gaga over her, for some reason or other.

Some waited under her block for her to get home

Some called her day and night

Some kept asking her out

Some drove her everywhere

To any ordinary person, she would seem to be like some royalty

Some princess who shouldn't really be one

Now, this girl is really jaded

Not stupid, not dull neither dim

Just jaded, and perhaps very scared.

She could ask questions like "does that guy like me?" when the poor guy is almost on the verge of proving his "love" by death

She was enjoying all the attention though

But when it came to one step further with regards to any mention of a possible relationship

she freaked out

To her, it meant that all the attention the world gave her would stop

To her, it was a risk because this guy could just stop giving her all the attention eventually and she would end up with nought

However

She also realizes that, eventually, if there was no resolution, all this attention would stop when people get tired

She was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea

Eventually the attention would end

Of course, she could keep getting new attention while the old ones gave up

Or she could commit to one and take the plunge

But being jaded, really jaded, she didn't want to ever take the plunge

And so, one fine day, a new attention giver came along.

Now this guy is really unique

Somehow, everything seem to fall in place

She began to falter and there was a huge conflict going on in her head

A fight between a jaded self and the emotional self

But the guy kept his efforts up

The girl found herself bending to his will

Even when the guy hinted some signs of jealousy of all the attention she got from other guys, she got worried

Soon, after 2 weeks

The question was popped

And she had so wanted him by then

She said yes

However, the turmoil wasn't gone

She didn't take the plunge

Instead, it was like a bungee rope

She’s still giving hope to all the other attention givers.

She’s in total confusion now

*tsk tsk*

Maybe she might cut the bungee rope

Maybe she might just bounce back out

And I'm convincing her to cut the rope and enjoy the free fall

Unfortunately, I know some things about the guy, and I never gave her my judgment of the guy

So now the girl has given that particular guy a hint of a possible future relationship

Yet, she's not giving a hint of NO possible future relationship with the rest of the attention she's getting

And possible future relationship is as good as now because she's fucking up and caving in already.

She can't stop thinking of that guy, and as each minute that passes when her phone doesn't ring with a sms, her mind goes into the wildest negative thoughts

Thoughts like

He’s already beginning to neglect me

He’s already won the game and now he's quitting

And so forth

And she can't concentrate on work

As for the guy, who knows what's on his mind?

Was it games he was playing or was he serious in this girl?

Was it well though and reflected upon, his motives for going all out for her?

Or was it a moment of folly, succumbing to lust, emotional emptiness or the fear of loneliness?

Or was he feeding his own ego, playing a game of being wanted and adding another trophy to his wall?

The sweetness that had gushed from him throughout these few weeks had moved the jaded girl so much that everything in her, the concrete resolve of jaded relationships, had turned jelly

Now she's hurt and disturbed by the thoughts of the guy's motive

She’s in denial.

She openly and proudly claims that she won't like anyone so easily

But deep inside, she's really gone.

And as now as she struggles through her day, trying her best to shut the image of him out of her head with open denials

She can't help being distracted ever so frequently, checking her mails, checking her phone.

She curses and swears at herself

She thought she was in the game herself.

She thought she had all the attention under control

But now, a real player comes along.

Yet, through all this cursing, she's still falling; plunging fast into this deep abyss called "love"

The irony of something so blissful, yet she's berating endlessly at, was wrecking her sanity into pieces

"It's my game, how dare he come ruin it for me....."

"He’s not messaging me..... Where is he now? What’s he doing?"

"Wake up! Stupid bitch! Don't be a loser!"

And she reads, re-reads each and every email from him. Each and every sms

And...

Sanity slowly slips...

Slowly....

As delirium takes over her fragile mind.......

THE END

Nemesis

Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.

from Snatch

NOFX

Admit Defeat, Live in Decline
Be the Victim of your own Design

NOFX

Solitude

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you are alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of al your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Suceed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the naroow aisles of pain.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Maud Muller

... ...

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

... ...

3rd Last Verse of Maud Muller by John Greenleaf Whittier